Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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