Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my sisters under your porch take her home
accomplished twins. life is a go
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
