Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
