You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
