Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
