you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
