Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
