According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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