man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
