Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
