I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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