the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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