my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
