is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
