Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
