Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My dick has a subreddit
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
