I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
