My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
