youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I love you. Go after that dick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
