can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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