the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
