even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
