Little spoons don't ask big questions
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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