is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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