it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Your dad touched me again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
