In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
