what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
