I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
