im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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