This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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