Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
