That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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