woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
