Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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