we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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