So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
