He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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