"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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