did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
