Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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