I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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