Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
