Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
