Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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