I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
