Whod you bang
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
