what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
