Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
