It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
