I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
