I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
