toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i jhust puked up my retainher.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
