i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
