you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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