just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Someone came in the potted fern
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
