yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
