Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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