Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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