I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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