If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
