How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
