I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So squirting runs in the family.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
