thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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