It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
