apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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