i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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