I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
