I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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