never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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