So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
